The Kebilsphere

The world is not what we think it is. There is more to it, and less to it than we think. The distance from one though to another is not measurable in time. We only see what our sense allow us to see. There is a universe out there teeiming with signals and colour and flavour that we are just not suited to noticing. Epiphenomonalisit, phenomallist, rationalist, irrationalist, nihilist, solipsist. There must be some thing to why there is anything. And don’t tell me that God is an answer, because that is just begging the question why is there a god. And if there is a god, where is he these days. And if there is a god, who created him. Ex nihilo est,we come from nothingness, to that nothing we soon shall return. Out life on this planet is but a quirk of nature, it was bound to happen somewhere in the universe that life and intelligence would arise, that it was our planet was just happenstance. We are here, then we are gone

Circumstances, if nothing at all, change. They may not always change for the better, and probably the first few days, weeks, months, needles, maybe even years can be the hardest apart. I am of course referring to the severance of the bond between me and Di. We parted ways on the 2nd of this June, 2007, after having known each other for exactly 6 years, and lovers for 5 1/2  yars of our relationship, but people and things change. Wait, I take that back, people don’t really change, but realtionships sure do

Actually, the first few days after we sepearatedI left her ally easy. I ate a lot, slept constantly, and had not a care in the world, actually I think I had a sum total of seven thoughts and feelings over those days, less than I usually would have had while eating a bowl of porridge. My body and brain was devoid of thoughts and feelings. I don’t know where my mind and heart went, I have a feeling they either slipt into a coma, were in the drunk tank without me, were just ignoring me, or hoping I would go away so they could come back at a later time.  

It reminded me a lot of alose those times I was on the methadone program, the last time being (for the fourth time) in November through January. Talk about being comfortably numb, confortably dumb was what . Sure, I was  incomprehnsible, I could only mumle in nonsense syllables that made no sense whatsoever. And even I did not know what I was talking about. Full blown hallucinations, delusions, some sot of toxic psychosis. So that was how I managed to avoid this past Christmas season, my wife’s birthday, New Years eve, and all for what, we still don’t know what went so wrong with my head

 Well, so ends my first blog, I think I shall call it my blob rather than a blog. We will see if I can keep it up and actually stick with something as reveealn as alprofitl