The Kebilsphere

I am getting scared again.

Starting to feel like I did last Christmas, like last year about this time.

Starting to worry if it is the methadone
The juice that keeps me going
And while it may not always keep me going forward
It definitely helps keep me from going back

I am getting more confused everyday
I cannot so easily read people,
Or when I do read them I cannot trust my vision
My hearing is scattered in that
I hear fragments of speech with long gaps
Far from my reach

My thoughts are a simple complexity
Redundant in their originality

I can read into situations and conversations
Things that nobody else seems able
It is obvious, sitting there in the the open
Like a secret text laid on the kitchen table
I cannot understand why somebody does not say something

And then this hidden truth which only I know
Slips away briefly from my mind
I turn and look again to see where it went
II search and can not find

And I myself am become invisible
Or at the very least I am fading
Nobody can see me from the corner of their eyes
Their sight I easily evade
Unless looked at directly,
And even then not for long
I am seen and clearly visible
But from their memory I slide
And quickly am forgotten

And what of my voice
I have been muted or muffled
Have I lost the ability to speak English
And all they hear is me mumbling murmurs

I say something
Standing straight face to face
But I can see by the look in their eye
That although I am heard, they did not listen

A minute after I have spoken
My words have dissipated
Like a puff of smoke in a storm
Quickly smeared throughout
Immediately indistinguishable
From the background